And I thought in this relationship, you were always the one to not leave any loose ends and to make sure things go correctly. When we talked about a week or two ago, I thought you wanted this to work out. Why the sudden change in feelings? I feel cheated because you didn’t even give an opportunity for us to talk about it.
“Being single is so much easier and worry free?” Did I make the relationship difficult for you? Did I put a burden on your shoulders? I put you on a pedestal and whatever you wanted; I’d get that for you. “You’re busy” busy with what? All you do when you get home is listen to music and talk to people about it. Sure you love music, but at a certain point, didn’t you love me?
I was wrong a few weeks ago. I was the one that wanted to leave you but over time, I realized that we’ve been together for almost 2 years. Things are going to work out because I love you and if you felt the same, then nothing would’ve stopped us. I don’t know what happened midway but everything started falling apart. You became busy and so we hardly had time to communicate.
All this time, I’ve left my heart open for you. My life was school, and work. Aside from hanging out with the boys on weekends, you always came up at least once. I didn’t talk to any girls, hit on them, or even made myself noticeable to them. Whenever someone asked how we are, all I said was either you were busy or that we’re fine. Not talking a lot, but fine. But, here I was waiting for you and waiting for something to happen because I thought you wanted time to figure things out and that you were busy. Turns out I’m standing here looking like an idiot while you just move on with your life.
After waking up from my dream about you, I took out all the notes you ever gave me and read them. I read the notebook and looked through all of our pictures and I know that I have to apologize to you. I’m sorry that I didn’t pay much attention to you as much as I should have. Last summer when you cried all night and all I could do was listen and feel stupid because I couldn’t do anything, I promised myself that I’ll take care of you, and that I’ll always be here for you. I’m sorry that I don’t make time to see you more at school and get you breakfast. Because I know you like things like that. I’m sorry that I didn’t take physics so that I can help tutor you when you need it. I’m sorry I never followed up with listening to your type of music so we have more things to talk about together. I’m sorry that I can be annoying at times, because I get so worked up talking about something and that sometimes I even interrupt you. I’m sorry for taking you for granted. We only worked out so well because you were always the stronger one and you kept everything in check. I was wrong in wanting things to go my way and, in a sense, overthrowing you of your power. The Jessica I fell in love with was the one that would always tell me what to do, not the one that was being told what to do.
Who am I kidding though right? I can’t ask for you back and I can’t change your decision if it’s already set. I just figured I’d tell you what’s on my mind if it mattered at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment