WOW

THIS time she's right.
I am insecure...
I'm reading old blog entries that I've made and WTF man. I'm hella insecure LOL?!?!
"Today, my girlfriend told me I was insecure but I didn't believe her. I went online and was reading old blog entries and she's right. FML."

I'm sorry babe, but this time, you're wrong.

You always were able to make sense or be logical in anything. But this time you're wrong. You say you're unimpressed with the person I turned out to be but honestly, you're all wrong. You've known me for 4 months now. I opened up my heart to you and you fell in love with the real me. I'm not this bad figure which just finally came out from under the bed. I made one mistake. Just one mistake and you assume I'm someone that I'm not all worked up to be? You want to break up with me, okay, fine. As long as you're happy with your decision then do as you please. But please, think about it... I messed up, that was my bad, I know it was. But that doesn't mean everybody in this world is perfect. I can't say there weren't times when I wanted to just rage at you because you pissed me off so much. But you know why I didn't? Because I love you so much I tell myself, "Who cares, I don't love her because of her flaws, I love her because of who she is as a whole." I know you cherish your private time and privacy more then anything, and I fucked up good by going into it. I shouldn't have, and I'll never again if all of this works out. It's not that I didn't trust you. I just did it.
Whether or not all of this turns out well, I'll wait for you. I promised you before and I'll promise you after that I'll wait for you. I promised you that we're gonna be together forever and I'm doing my best to keep that promise. Whether or not you want to is up to you. I'm crazy for you baby. It's not that I can't live without you. It's just I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Could go either way.

This could go either way... I can either be happy for the rest of my life, or incomplete.
It's ok if you don't want to talk to me. I was wrong, I was stupid, I was inconsiderate. But I was honest... Instead of pointing out how bad and how wrong I was, why couldn't you realize for me that I wanted to be honest with you. I wanted to be straight forward with you, I don't ever want to hide anything from you, whether it be good or bad. When people lie, they make up more and more lies to cover up that lie... I don't ever want to have to lie to you, I don't ever want to ever do anything that would hurt you.
Baby, I love you, I need you. I can't say it enough and I don't think I ever will. I'll do what it takes, whatever it takes to be better for you. Seeing your SN and not being able to click it is driving me crazy. I want to talk to you, but I know I'm the last person you want to talk to right now.
I slept well last night, I think tonight is another all-nighter.

Shouldn't have ever doubted you.

After all the shit that's happened today, I'm so glad you're my girlfriend.
I fucked up good.. like.. real good.. but you turned around and gave me another chance.
I wont mess this up, I'll show you I'm better than this and I'll make you proud, just you wait and see.

I love you babe

You stopped wearing my ring.

Everything you say to me.. I take your word for it. I've been strange lately.. and I apologize. Really I do babe, but I guess there's just something in the back of my head that's been bothering me. I don't know what, and I'm trying to figure it out myself. I pray to God every night, hoping that I'd get an answer as to why I've been so miserable lately. I don't sleep at night unless I hear you. I don't eat right unless I know you're happy and well. I haven't cried for anything, much less anyone in a while. But when I think of you... my eyes just start to tear up and I can't help but cry.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm trembling and I feel as if my legs are going to give out on me at any time.

I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to think. I don't know what I want anymore. The Lord's helped me out with my laptop and such but if this is how I'm going to feel for a long time then I don't want it anymore. None of it is worth it and all I want is you. If I have to give up this laptop and give up everything I've earned and saved up for you, then I don't want any of it anymore... all I need is you because lately... all I've felt is that I'm loosing you the past week.

Talk to me, tell me how you feel, tell me what's going on. You ask me all the time if anything's bothering me and all I know is that Highlong's bothering me. You've been spending more time with him and stuff I feel like you're starting to shift to him a bit more. It doesn't matter though... as long as you're happy, then you can go wherever you like. I promised you that I would love you forever, I would stay with you forever, and that I'd wait for you if anything.

I wanna be your man.

It's impossible to turn back time and put things back to the way they were before. I fucked up. There's no hiding that... Even though we talked last night, I still feel as if I'm so close to loosing you. I don't want you loose you babe... I need you. For the past 3 months, I've thought, no, I've known that you're the only one for me. I'm the first one to last this long for you right? You're the only one that's even gotten this close to my heart.
Maybe I'm just overreacting and all of this really is no big deal, and that both of us was just having a bad day.

I love you a lot honey. I was so close to sending you the link to this blog last night, SO close. But I didn't... you never were really into the cheesy and corny stuff so I figured.. maybe another time.

Highlong's no big deal. Sure I might get jealous because you've known him longer, he's acquainted with your parents, and you can talk to him about your problems. It's not that I hate him though. I know him too, and he's a good guy. I trust you and I trust him... but I guess I've been acting so strange lately because I always look at what I want... not at what I have. You love me alot, I know that for a fact... but you just have your own way of showing it.

You've told me a few times already about how easy it is to have a guy fall for you, and then to break his heart. You can keep telling me but I won't be intimidated. You can break my heart 10 times and I'll still love you, and I'll still strive for your love. You promised me we're gonna be together forever... a promise is a promise. I'm gonna keep our love golden. I might've been strange and wierd the past few days but I'll be better for you. I'll give you my best.

Lets take 2 steps back.

Normally, when you love someone... of course you expect to be loved back... with the same amount, if not more, of love. I guess I've been a bit wrong the past 3 months. I love you so much and I know you love me too. It's been my fault. I'm expecting too much from your love. Just because I treat you a certain way doesn't mean I'm going to be treated the same way back.

We're so small, so insignificant compared to the world.

There's so much sand on every beach in the world... so much vastness in the oceans. Sometimes when I'm on the freeway.. I think about how many people there are in the world. That's just one portion of the town, on portion of that strip of the freeway compared to the millions and millions of other highways there are. It makes me feel so insignificant as a person compared to the billions of people there are. It was only fate that I was able to meet you. Out of all the people there are in the world, my love lies with you and only you. Not everyday do you meet someone that completes you, makes you happy, fills you up, ya know?

Baby I wouldn't ever trade the world for you. I doubt there's anyone else in this world that can make me feel so happy as you do. I've been living for 17 years now and you're the best thing that's happened to me. Don't ever leave me k? This might sound selfish but I want you all to myself, because you and me... we're one.

Shit.

You know those, "shit i fucked up good" moments?

yeah, just had one of those.